Pat's Story

My Story

My name is Patricia Greaves, and my three sisters, Eileen, Lesley and Pauline, are hosting a “Cuppa Time for Dementia” to raise much-needed funds to help those living with dementia, to still feel part of the community.

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Our family has had three (3) people diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in two generations

• Our Uncle John (Dad’s brother) was diagnosed in 1984, passed away in 1988 after living with Dementia for 4 years

• Our Dad (Cecil Morrison) was diagnosed in 1985 and passed away on 19th August 1994

• Our Sister (Eileen Taylor) was diagnosed in 2011 and is still living with Alzheimer’s disease today.

Uncle John lived in the UK, so we could only imagine the heartache our family there was experiencing. We kept in touch through regular letters and occasional brief phone calls, as the technology available then was nowhere near as advanced as it is today. 

When Dad visited Uncle John, he was deeply affected by the extent to which the illness was impacting not only him but the entire family. Dad struggled to understand why his own brother no longer recognised him. So when he returned home to Brisbane, he told us that if he were ever diagnosed with dementia, he would find a way to spare Mum and us girls from experiencing that same pain. We understood that Dad was referring to ending his own life.

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Dad: At the time of my father’s diagnosis, our family was living in Wynnum, Queensland, while I was living in Adelaide. I learned through our telephone conversations what Mum was experiencing as she cared for Dad.

I visited as often as I could, but the cost of travelling was a constant challenge. To help me better understand what Mum and Dad were going through, I attended a support group in Adelaide.

Whenever I spoke with Mum, she told me about what Dad had been doing. She would often say, “If you don’t laugh, you'll cry.” She told me how he would wander off, only to be found by the local taxi service, who would bring him safely home.

She also shared how Dad would walk to Wynnum Plaza and leave K-Mart with an item he believed he wanted. The security staff understood the situation and knew that Mum would return the item later that day or the following day.

I understand it was when Dad's hygiene started to become unbearable, making things more difficult for Mum to care for him, who was also looking after her elderly mother, our grandmother. 

Dad was admitted to Moreton Bay Nursing Home, where he would live out the rest of his days. But really, can you call that living when they don't know who you are or why you are there? It is heartbreaking, but Mum was a good wife through to the end and ventured up to see Dad most days. I would call Dad when he first went into the home to talk to him. Dad would cry on the phone and ask me to come and pick him up and take him home. To understand so much more about Dad’s journey, please ensure you read my sister Pauline’s story. It made me realise just how much I was sheltered from the true reality of living with dementia.  

Dad passed away on 19th August 1994 after 10 years of living with dementia.

I moved with my family to Brisbane in 1996 to help Mum look after our Grandmother after Dad’s passing.

My Sister 

In Eileen’s early years of marriage to Doug while in the States, they fostered children. Then, after moving to Brisbane with their two wonderful sons, Eileen decided to study.  After earning her Degree in Human Resources, she joined her husband as a counsellor. She was fantastic at working with children. She helped children from all walks of life, cared for their well-being and worked with them to help them become better people, 

In 2011, Eileen was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease and is still living with dementia today. I admire my sister, and I am very proud of how she accepted her diagnosis and advocates for dementia, not only nationally but around the world. Eileen has been invited to speak at several dementia conferences in Australia, as well as in New Zealand, Scotland and Budapest. I am so very proud of the work she has done and still does for the Dementia Community.  

Eileen holds a support group each Monday at 1 pm via Zoom and enjoys helping those who attend. Her husband, Doug, currently holds a Memory Café at the Capalaba Library on the first Wednesday of each month.

When it comes to my relationship with my sister, I would have to admit that, at times, I become frustrated and impatient. This doesn't mean I don't love her; she is my sister, and I love her immensely. But it is extremely challenging to watch her slowly slip from the big sister I remember to the sister who stands in front of me today. At times, I catch glimpses of the big sister and the woman Eileen Taylor. They call this disease “The Long Goodbye”, and that is just what it is. Although the person you see looks like the person you know and love, the hardest part of this for me is accepting it all.

I urge each and every one of you who knows a loved one or has a friend living with Dementia to learn to be patient, as you have never been before, and to find a way to understand what they are going through. I see the frustration in Eileen when she does not remember simple words or how to do the simple things in life. People living with dementia are unable to help or control what is happening to them; what they need is your 

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love,

patience

and

understanding.